Mother’s Day Without My Mum

For a long-time, i have been debating on whether i should or shouldn’t post this blog. But after thinking long and hard, i now how important it is for me to share my story and to show that the loves one who are left behind aren’t alone and that life can go on. So here’s my story and what my life look likes 6 years on at the age of 24.

Let’s go back to 2012. For about 3 months my mum hadn’t been feeling to well. She had been having multiple test and doctors appointment but wasn’t get any answer. Her symptoms were getting worst everyday. The symptoms were shortness of breath, constantly exhausted and  finding more and more harder and harder to breath. 

In August, my mum’s symptoms got so bad that she was rushed to the hospital. When most 17 and 10 years were out enjoying their summer holiday, instead me and my younger sister were spending the whole of ours, visiting our mum in hospital. After a week tests and scans, the doctors finally figured out why she was experiences all these symptoms. And that when my whole life charged forever. My whole family were told that she had terminal lung cancer and had around 4-8 month to live.

I can remember just just being in complete shock and thinking, “how can my life go on without my mum”. Over the next 8 months the cancer continued to spread throughout her body. From her bones, liver to eventually her brain.

On 8th April 2013, my mum lost her battle and died at the ages of 49. I really can’t remember much from that day, but what i can remember was feeling as if all the air in the room had been sucked out, as well as thinking “how is my life ever going to be normal again”. The first year, was most definitely the worst year of my life. I lost all sense of who i was and i found it really hard to know how to deal with everything, especially socialising. I constantly felt guilty,  of  feeling too happy or enjoying myself too much.

6 years on, me (24) and my sister (16) have become extremely close – but don’t think we don’t have a disagreements, because we do, and things have definitely gotten easier over the years. That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten or got over the lost of my mum, it’s just I’ve learnt how to handle my emotions a lot better. When i feel down, i love to remember all of the happy memories me and my mum shared together. So don’t think that i don’t have any bad, because  i do! It usually hits me when i’m lease expected it and  often feels like i’vr been hit by a massive wave, literally out all of nowhere and without any warning! But as the year have gone on, i definitely having a lot more brighter days.  A year after i lot her, i went on to finished my A-levels, went to Uni, passed my driving test and lived my life to the fullest everyday as if it was my last.

And now with mothers day fast approaching and the shops begin to fill up with soppy cards and beautiful flowers, definitely feel a sense of emptiness and often think of what my life might have been like – if hadn’t of lost my mum. But i know deep down how happy and proud of what have achieved in a short amount of time and who I’ve the young women i have grown up to be. Love you and and Miss You Mum ❤ xx

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