Mother’s day can be a beautiful and a perfect day to show you an appreciation for the most important women in your life, but for some who are missing a relationship with a mother figure then today can be challenging. So in today’s blog post i thought i would introduce ‘Other’s Day’ – How to manage estrangement, loss and grief today and beyond.
The feeling of grief is messy and doesn’t tend to fit inside the box that we want to shrove them into and instead they rear their head at times when we thought we were finally feeling like we were okay. Whether it’s through illness, a strained relationship, consciously estranging or just simply never quite fitting into the mould, mother’s day and other family-oriented calendar dates can be extremely difficult and challenging – for the mothers who have lost a child, daughter who never knew maternal love or lost it far too soon or even those who find it easier to gloss over the word ‘mum’ altogether. I see and hear you, as I lost my mum far too soon.
‘Other’s Day’ was created by two best friends, who are total opposites in many ways; Emma Hopkinson (minimalist) and Robyn Donaldson (maximalist) and they know all these feelings far too well. It all began when the two first bonded when Robyn’s nan (who raised her) was going through cancer at the same time as Emma’s mum, this created a common thread of ongoing grief and a friendship and understanding that to this day is unrivalled.
Enter ‘Other’s Day’ over on Instagram, as a way where people dealing with loss, grief or pain acknowledge their feelings and find a connection in knowing that they’re not alone in this struggle. Whatever your reasons – grief, estrangement, miscarriage, infertility issues, looking-after children. They want to give everybody a place to share their experiences with people who get it. Also to celebrate the people who were missing, or shouting out the people who’d mothered you in the absence of an actual parent. They also have a blog called; All Up In My Space.
Grieving The Loss Of A Mother The Has Passed Away
Social media can feel extremely heavy, especially today. If that’s true, your could take this opportunity for a digital detox and remove yourself from the Mother’s Day celebratory posts. Don’t think of yourself as being selfish for taking time away for yourself and leaning into any distractions that you feel necessary to get through the day. Do you feel like you want to hold a space to focus on your mum’s memory, so why not visit a spot that meaningful to her or a place you spent time together or visit her grave and have good old chat.
Speaking your feeling out aloud can seem difficuilt, but there are many other ways you can voice you feelings – write a letter and update her on what’s being happening in your life atm and then sit with any feeling that comes up – happy, sad and everything in between. Sit back and watch a movie that she loved, cook her favourite meal or sing her favourite song. Celebrate all that made her your mum herself, and know that she is smiling along with you.
Estranged From Your Mother
Even if you have or had a tumultuous relationship, love can still be a common theme and can make days like today (mother’s day) feel even more complicated thanks to the host of conflicting emotions that can be brought to the surface. It can feel really isolating and scary to be ‘going it alone, but they’re is no doubt that countless other people in your life who care for you and love you and want to make the day as easy as possible – so don’t be afraid to make the most of their compassion!
Experiencing The Loss Of A Child/Misscariage
It’s your choice. Now could be the time to engage in the most non-mother’s day outing you can ever think of, or instead, make the occasion of honouring your child’s life in a more obvious way. The period after a loss can be difficult to know what identity you are as a parent, but a mother who has experienced loss at any stage, know that your experience is valid.
If You’re A Mother In Waiting
For mothers in waiting, the heartache can feel overwhelming and even more on days like today. A reminder that even if your arms are empty, this is your mother’s today too. Your mother’s heart is celebrated, regardless and today it is the perfect opportunity to let go of guilt – pamper yourself, and and and and have a dessert for dinner. Live today and every day without expectations and let the feeling, whatever they may be, ride in and out. Sending big hugs.
How will your be celebrating Mother’s Day? Let me know in the comments below…
